The Stupidity of Stubborness

One of the hardest things to swallow is a dose of good, old-fashioned reproof. Reacting against it and (honestly) hating it comes much more naturally than embracing it. However, such tedious maintenance of our personal comfort-zones is actually to our own harm. Here's why:

  "He who hardens his neck after much reproof will suddenly be broken beyond remedy" ~ Proverbs 29:1                                                                                                

Here we find a picture of someone who has be reproved again, and again, and again, but in spite of it all he simply will not listen. There's no room to say he just didn't get the memo - we're talking about "much reproof", not a little side comment or suggestion. He has had full opportunity to face the situation and consider what he's being told, but instead he "hardens his neck". He will not bend. He is resilient and stubborn, and not interested in changing his position.

What happens next? Of course, "[he] will suddenly be broken beyond remedy". It's almost as if we can picture this like a stick. Imagine yourself going outside, picking up some stick off the ground, and applying pressure to either end of it, maybe over your knee or something. Initially, you should expect the stick to do one of two things: bend or break.

That's the choice this fellow had: bend or break. He could either soften his neck and listen to the reproof, or stiffen up and refuse it. Either choice has a consequence, and we are given the latter one here: he breaks, both suddenly and permanently. He would not bend, so now he cannot bend - and there's no going back. Notice that there is indeed a time factor involved. There comes a point when it is too late to listen. That reminds us of Proverbs 1:24-33, right?

"²⁴ Because I called and you refused, I stretched out my hand and no one paid attention;
²⁵ And you neglected all my counsel and did not want my reproof
²⁶ I will also laugh at your calamity;
I will mock when your dread comes,
²⁷ When your dread comes like a storm and your calamity like a whirlwind, 
When distress and anguish come upon you.
²⁸ Then they will call on me, but I will not answer;
They will seek me diligently but they will not find me,
²⁹ Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD. 
³⁰ They would not accept my counsel,
They spurned all my reproof.
³¹ So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way 
And be satiated with their own devices.
³² For the waywardness of the naive will kill them,
And the complacency of fools will destroy them.
³³ But he who listens to me shall live securely 
And will be at ease from the dread of evil."

Notice that in verse 28 Wisdom (the one giving this speech) switches from saying "you" to "they". Why? Well, it is arguable that at this point Wisdom is not even talking to these people anymore, only about them. There was a time when they could have turned to her and could have listened, but they would not. Now it's too late. Time's up, and that window of opportunity has closed. Verse 28 also tells us that they eventually do get around to seeking her, but by then it's just a case of the right thing at the wrong time, and Wisdom's offer is no longer valid.

So, remember: that which will not bend will be broken. The fellow back in 29:1 actually loses in the end. Whatever his motives were, he doesn't succeed in guarding his personal preferences, keeping himself from discomfort, or fostering self-benefit. On the contrary, his persistent stubbornness led to his permanent brokenness.

Rebuke may be uncomfortable. It may be hard to take. However, that does not at all mean it's a bad thing or is actually bad for you. What is bad and what is unhealthy is refusing rebuke. Further, the fact that you were rebuked doesn't mean you're not wise. Refusing it does:

"Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, reprove a wise man and he will love you.
Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, teach a righteous man and he will increase his understanding. " ~ Proverbs 9:8-9

"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid" ~ Proverbs 12:1

"A fool rejects his father's discipline, but he who regards reproof is sensible."  ~ Proverbs 15:5

 "He whose ear listens to the life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.
He who neglects discipline despises himself, but he who listens to reproof acquires understanding." ~ Proverbs 15:31-32

"A rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding than a hundred blows into a fool" ~ Proverbs 17:10

There are more, of course. But we'll sum it up for now by saying that the fact that someone is rebuked doesn't mean they are or are not wise. That can be discerned by how they handle the rebuke, not whether or not they got one.

So, in conclusion, next time you are on the receiving end of a rebuke, capitalize on the opportunity and listen. It's to your own benefit, not harm. Remember, bend or break!